Where to sleep over when visiting your Boo?
In a culture where living with your significant other before marriage is the norm, the question of where to sleep when you’re visiting can seem like a no brainer. Many people, would instinctively say, ‘His house, duh.’ Although answering this question may come with ease for some, it’s a question that my boyfriend and I wrestled with for months when we first began our long distance relationship (LDR).
The cost of an LDR can easily rack up and become a financial burden to a couple. Staying at each other’s houses may seem like an obvious and simple way to save money. However, as a Christian couple my boyfriend (Alex), and I, both believe that God created sex to be enjoyed solely in marriage. While scripture is explicit in stating that, it can seem a little less clear on boundaries we cross that lead up to sex. For example, is it wrong to sleep in the same house with each other? As I said before, Alex and I struggled to answer this question. And while God doesn’t explicitly command “Thou shall not sleep in the same house/bed,” He does require us to pursue purity. Unfortunately, many Christians simply view purity as a list of do’s and don’t’s, thou shall’s and thou shall not’s. But as I’ve learned purity is not simply a line you don’t cross, but a direction of the heart. As we continued to pray, we realized a better question is, is sleeping in the same house wise? Will it encourage us to continue to be abstinent? Will it be a good example to our other single friends? The answer to all those questions were, No. So, I believe it is unhelpful and unwise for Christian couples to spend the night at each other’s place. Here are two reasons why:
- Lust is a fire. And it is much easier to control a small flame rather than a raging forest fire. If we are honest with ourselves we know that temptation is MAGNIFIED when we sleep over our significant others place. I know this from experience.
Most days, my BF, Alex and I are 2,015 miles apart, but every 2-3 months we visit each other. The first time I went to visit him in Chicago, I did not get a hotel and I stayed at his house. We figured it was ok because he lived in a house with other Christians, so we wouldn’t be alone, and I would have my own room. And even though that was the case, temptation was still heightened and made it that much harder not to cross more boundaries. Since then, we’ve realized that
True purity is not simply the absence of sex, but constant presence and invitation to allow God to lead you in the decisions and boundaries you set up.
2. Spending the night at your BF/GF house not only makes the struggle for you harder, but for other believers as well. If you have friends, roommates, or even neighbors who know you are Christian and see that you are spending the night with each other, they will most likely assume that you are having sex. This can diminish your ability to distinguish your relationship from non-Christian relationships. It may also encourage other Christians to spend the night with their significant other and increase their struggle to pursue purity.
At the same time, I know that it is financially impractical for most LDR couples to constantly stay in hotels. So what’s a girl to do?!
His house, or a Hotel? I say NEITHER. There are other creative alternatives. Maybe you could stay at his house while he stays at a friends place. Or you could stay with a friend/relative of his. I’ve seen another couple have their significant other stay in a hostel because it was more affordable.
I don’t know if there is a universal answer to this question for every possible scenario. It is easy to want to add rules on top of rules and make that a way of following God. But that is not what he wants from us. He wants to actually have a relationship with us. He wants us to seek his wisdom and guidance. He wants us to invite Him in our lives and RELATIONSHIPS and transform our hearts and our desires. So before you ask Is it OK if we_______? Try asking yourself, do I truly understand what purity is and why does God wants me to pursue it? Pray and ask God, is what we want to do wise or foolish, helpful or unhelpful? Would it encourage others to do right or wrong? Would this honor and support each other, or potentially bring shame and regret? God will answer. We just need to Ask. Seek. And listen.
Post Inspired by: Visits